Looking Back
by Tofu Plushie
Summary: Warning:Shonenai. suicide, death, Anything else that may not be suitable for young readers. [jouseto] Jou looks back on his life and the love he lost. Will he move forward or will regret hold him back?


Looking Back

Summery: Jou rethinks the death of his long lost lover. The story of what happened...How the people close to them take this event.

Warning: Yaoi/shonen-ai (boyXboy) don't read if you have a problem with it!Also rated for self abuse and suiside

Disclaimer: I don't own Yugioh, If I did Yugioh GX wouldn't exsist right now, Marik would belong to my friend D, and it would be rated X!O.o

A/N: Like I said in my warning...this is yaoi...so if anyone flames me for that you're either one of those people who didn't read the above message or the whole summery or you're just stupid...So if we're all done with that, let's get started!

Chapter 1: Memories

(JOU'S POV)

I sat alone in the darkness of my room. There was no sounds around me, all I could hear was the sound of my own breathing. My digital clock red 2:21AM. I was up again, unable to sleep and unable to forget. The memories still haunt me up until now. It's been month and yet I still cannot let go of what happened.

I feel so empty, so lost, so alone without him. My world seems like it's gone out. I'm in a void of darkness that will never let up. All I can feel is pain, every day it hurts, every night it kills me. Memories flash in my mind and dreams remind me of that horrible day. It was a while back...I'm surprised I've gone through life this long since then. I feel like dying and finally leving this life. I want to finally be with my love in the next life. I won't make the same mistake I did in this one. I won't hide my feelings from him. I won't deny us both the chance to be happy together. Though, I don't understand why I'm still in this world. This place where my heart is broken like shatered glass.

I guess it's useless to go back to bed now, I'll never get any sleep. It's my senior year in high school and even thinking of shool makes me miss him.We were always fighting, but in truth, I really didn't want to fight and bicker all the time. The only reason was because I was afraid of his rejection and I was scared of the truth. But, I didn't know the truth and how it would really be. I have so many regrets, and now it's too late to fix my mistakes. It's almost the end of my high school expierience, but I don't think I'l make it till graduation

I get up from the white sheets where I'm sitting. The bathroom is a few feet away. I dig out something that has been my best friend as of late. It's one of the sharp kitchen knives..No one else uses them anymore, so I might as well. No one knows I do this, they shouldn't really care either. My friends may be worried about me if they knew...but it's none of their business. They're all with the ones they love, they don't know how this feels, they wouldn't understand. I pull my sleeves up, old scars of previous cuts and a few bruises from my father are still etched in my skin, reminding me of my hated past, my hated life. Blood starts running down my arm like a tricling stream trying to get out a blocked pathway. I watch it for a bit than go back to my task. I break the fragil skin once again, deeper this time. It feels so good, so free, like being released from a prisin. The metlic crimson liquid spills quiclky down my arm and onto the floor. I guess this could be called a habit...But it does take the pain away from my heart, it releases my sorrow. Soon my friend will release me completly from this pain and all will end in the color of crimson. I'll finally be free! And, we'll be together...

A/N: Well, that is short...I should think the next chapter will be longer

Marik: We're not going to be in this much are we?

FXP: No, I doubt any of the Yami's will be in here much, Maybe...but not much

Bakura: Damn you...you shall feel the wrath of my senen ring

FXP: hides behind Atem Ahh I want Ryou-kun back!

Marik: too bad! tried to attack authuress

Atem: Stop that... we want get to the next chapter

FXP: Nodds

Bakura and Marik: glare We're not even in it!

FXP: so? Just let me write it waah

Atem: Please R&R it will make our Hikari's happy anyway...oh and the author will be happy too

FXP: I'll except flames too...but corrective critisism would be much better...uh okay ja!


End file.
